Boyfriend\'s porn addiction?

[Mandy_G_]

I going to try and keep this as succint as possible; I am 22, my live-in boyfriend is 30. I found out about his porn addiction in November (BDSM and CosPlay) and we had a long discussion about how I do not approve of him seeking outside stimulation while dating me. His addiction is daily, sometimes hours out of the day, but gets upset with me if I want sex more than once a week and says thats all he can handle. My needs, physically and emotionally, are not being met.

I talled to him about my feelings compassionately, said I would support him and help him as best I could, I have been going to therapy since January to deal with my anger and frustration on the matter, and I do my best not to check up on him or badger him with questions about his progress--I try to be loving and supportive every day.

I have said I will try anything that suits his fancy in the bedroom so he doesnt have to seek it out, but he will not. He deleted his porn once on our first talk (a peace offering), I found it and asked him to delete it a second time (same files, moved to a different location) and he did reluctantly. There is porn on his computer again, but I have no brought it up because I will not ask him a third time and expect it to stick.

Basically, I feel like I\'m doing everything in my power to give him what he needs to quit and I keep getting the same excuses of: Men are wired to look at other women (my question being--are you entitled to it anytime you want because youre a man? no!), Men think about sex all day and he needs to release the tention (which, women think about sex too, and since I\'m getting it once a week I\'m pretty sexually frustrated...How about maybe asking ME instead of the computer?), and he needs to deal with his addiction on his own (which I read as: \"Yeah, I\'ll get to it on my time, not yours\").

I love this man, dearly. I do my best to talk to him with compassion, I have never once screamed or threatened or belittled him. I lost 20 lbs, let him pick out offits for me, offered to try things I\'m not comfortable with, I work very hard to support a fun life for us and I\'m getting frustrated watching me jump as high as I can and seeing little progress from him over these months.

When is the line crossed from compassionate girlfriend to doormat? When do I need to make the announcement that I will, indeed, leave if he cannot give me an exclusive relationship? These are my needs, not everyones, but the person I choose to bring into my life indefinitely should not infringe on my beliefs and emotional security.


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